The veil

Right now I’m seeing outside of our realm. Into the realm of eternity. I’m getting glimpses. Of what is. Chills.

The clouds in the sky reveal the secrets of heaven. The thin wispy ones that dance in the blueness of the expanse are telling stories behind the translucent veil.

The day my husband died, earlier that morning, he was drifting in and out of consciousness. The morphine was somewhat helpful in keeping him comfortable with his ease of breathing, along with the oxygen concentrator that had become part of a constant background noise operating with each breath. At this particular moment in his day, he was teetering more on the awake and aware side of himself, yet still groggy from all the morphine that he had been getting throughout the night, In his gentle and unassuming voice, he lifted his eyes toward the end of the hospital bed that he was laying in and in his friendly Ken Cardoza voice he says, “Hi Jesus.” It was a casual gesture, almost as if seeing an old friend. Jesus has been his best friend for most of his life, but at this exact moment in time he was seeing his friend for the first time, at least it seemed that way. First time face to face anyway. I still cry when I think of this.

In all my experience as a hospice nurse, I’ve known that people on their death bed see images, sometimes of loved ones or other things, and sometimes it’s ‘bright lights’ that are implied. I can only imagine that he saw the brightness of God’s glory as he looked upon his Savior’s face. It must have been the gentle face of Christ with His soft powerful eyes and inviting smile that caused him to lift his head and open his eyes in that exact moment that he did.

As I have thought again and again about that moment, I deeply reflect on how he literally saw his savior, his Lord. Face to face with Jesus, wow. It was so amazing because he said it in a way as if he had seen him many times before, in life. It wasn’t like he was seeing him for the first time. You knew he recognized him, he wasn’t a stranger at all.

And I know now, with all assurance that he IS with the Lord. And while with His savior face to face, I know that he is constantly praying for all of us. He looks into the eyes of Jesus and talks to Him, about us. He sees us, he knows how to pray for us and he knows what to pray for. He sees all of us. He sees his grandchildren, all of them. Including the babies. The Lord is with him always, never leaving his side. He didn’t leave him on earth and He surely will always be with him for all of eternity. Great assurance brings much peace.

I’ve learned that we don’t need to understand it to believe it. It doesn’t need to make sense. In fact the more we try to make sense of it the more unreal it is.

And so I do believe this is what the word ‘Faith’ really means.



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Annette Cardoza

Annette Cardoza

I was a hospice nurse and transitioning into procuring plants. I no longer care for the sick. I’m now taking care of me. Learning to live amongst the living.