A love letter in grief

Kenny jo.

I loved you. I still do.

You were the love of my life, You still are.

When we stated our wedding vows on that of Day June 11, 1983;

One of the lines we recited that I have since learned to dislike and I keep repeating it in my head is:

“Until death do us part,”’

So I have officially rephrased it — it is now…

“In death will we start.”

That makes me so very happy.

Grief. I’m so grieved you are gone but you are not far.

You are silent but I still hear you.

You’re not here but I still see you.

I know you so well that the things you said to me are still here, your words and your laughter stayed behind.

I miss you so, but I Am still so very hopeful.

I am Hopeful that I will see you again someday!

Soon!

Even though I feel lost without you because I can’t call you on the phone or hold your hand.

I can’t kiss you good night; or make you oatmeal for breakfast.

Kenny jo, you are still very much alive in my heart!

In some ways, you are more alive to me now than ever.

I spend my thoughts with you just as much now as I ever have.

I hear there is no right or wrong to grieve, so I feel the freedom to grieve as I wish.

I am surprised how much new love I am discovering that I have for you while I will continue to miss you on this earth.

So then, Grieve as I may.

When I think of you now; I am constantly knowing where you are; who you are with and what you are doing.

And someday when I see you again I will cry.

Happy tears. Tears of Joy.

I will grab your face like I always did and with both hands I will kiss your beautiful face.

I will see you with No more disease, no more pain and no more sadness.

The only tears will be that of Joy.

I will see you perfect then as you are today.

I will be perfect on that magical day too.

And together we will be both be perfect with a love that will last forever and ever into all of eternity.

And as I hear you, I know you hear me too,

So “Don’t worry — I won’t let go.

I will make you proud of the mom, and the Tutu and the friend that I will be for those that still need me here.”

There is much work to do, so many unanswered prayers waiting to be prayed over and over again.

I know that as long as I remain here on earth All of our children and grandchildren will be prayed for daily.

There are many that need to know Jesus is the Lord and Savior of all of heaven and earth.

Hope that is never lost is true hope.